Romance scams cost people hundreds of millions of dollars every year, and older adults lose more per person than any other age group. Here’s how these scams work, the real warning signs, and why they target you specifically.
Last updated: September 2026
How Romance Scams Work
A romance scam happens when someone builds a fake online relationship with you to gain your trust, then uses that trust to ask for money. The FBI puts it plainly. A criminal creates a fake online identity, then uses the illusion of a close relationship to manipulate you or steal from you.
These scams fall under a much bigger problem. For the full picture of how scammers target older adults, and the warning signs across every type of fraud, see our Elder Financial Abuse guide. This article focuses on one specific pattern. Someone builds a relationship with you online, then asks for money.
The numbers are bigger than most people expect. In 2025, romance scams cost Americans $929 million, according to the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3). Adults 60 and older reported more than $584 million of that total, from over 10,000 complaints.
The pattern almost always follows the same three steps. A scammer builds an emotional connection fast, sometimes within days. Then they bring up marriage or moving in together, along with plans to finally meet in person. The meeting never happens, and instead, the requests for money start.
This isn’t about carelessness. It works because the scammer is patient, consistent, and willing to invest real time before ever asking for a dollar. A smart, careful person can still fall for a relationship that felt real for weeks or months before the first request for money showed up.
The Warning Signs of a Romance Scam
Real romance scams follow a recognizable pattern, even though every scammer’s story sounds a little different. These are the signs that show up again and again, according to the FBI and FTC.
- The relationship moves fast, with declarations of love within days or weeks
- They ask to move the conversation off the dating app and onto text or email right away
- They always have a reason they can’t meet in person or get on a video call
- They claim to work overseas, on an oil rig, or as military personnel stationed abroad
- They ask for money for a medical bill, a plane ticket, customs fees, or a business emergency
- They ask you to pay by gift card, wire transfer, or cryptocurrency
- They try to keep the relationship secret from your friends or family
No single sign here proves a scam by itself. But according to the Federal Trade Commission, someone who checks several of these boxes, especially a request for money, is almost always a scammer.
Why Romance Scams Target Older Adults
Romance scams target older adults for a few specific reasons, and none of them have to do with being careless. Scammers look for people who are more likely to be lonely, more likely to have savings, and less likely to have someone double-checking their online relationships.
Losing a spouse, watching adult children move away, or simply having more time alone can make a warm, attentive stranger online feel like exactly what’s missing. Scammers know this, and they build their entire approach around it. They aren’t guessing. They’re running a script that works because loneliness is real and understandable, not a character flaw.
Older adults also tend to have more money to lose, whether that’s retirement savings, home equity, or a life insurance payout. One recurring pattern in FBI and FTC reports is the widowed or deployed military persona, a scammer who claims to be a widower serving overseas, unable to access their own money until a mission ends or a shipment clears customs. It’s a specific, well-documented script, not a random exaggeration.
Many older adults are also newer to online dating than someone who has used apps for years. Scammers count on that. Verifying a stranger’s identity online, running a reverse image search on a profile photo, or noticing a profile with almost no history, are skills that come from experience most people simply haven’t had reason to build yet.
This is worth saying plainly. None of this is a knock on your judgment. These scams are built by people who study exactly what makes a connection feel real, and they specifically choose targets who have real, understandable reasons to want that connection.
Will a Romance Scammer Ever Meet You in Person?
No. A romance scammer will always find a reason not to meet you in person or get on a real video call. That’s not a coincidence. It’s the one thing that would end the scam immediately.
The excuses follow a predictable pattern. A deployment overseas, a construction project in another country, or a family emergency that always seems to come up right before the trip. Every excuse buys more time and keeps the relationship entirely online, where nothing can be double-checked.
A short video call can end most of these scams in seconds, which is exactly why scammers avoid them. The U.S. Secret Service notes that these criminals are patient. They’ll keep a relationship going for weeks or months rather than risk a live call that might expose a stolen photo or a fake identity.
Is It Still Safe to Look for Companionship Online?
Yes. Millions of real relationships start online every year, and wanting companionship at any age is nothing to feel guilty about. A handful of romance scammers working a script doesn’t mean the entire idea of meeting someone online is unsafe. It means a few simple habits protect you while you keep looking.
Stick to messaging inside the dating app or site itself for as long as possible. Legitimate platforms can track and remove reported scammers, something a private email or text thread can’t do. Ask for a live video call within the first couple of weeks, and treat someone who won’t agree to one as a real problem, not a shy personality.
Never send money, gift cards, or financial information to someone you haven’t met in person, no matter how long you’ve been talking or how real the relationship feels. That single rule prevents almost every version of this scam, even the most convincing ones.
Tell a family member or a close friend about a new online relationship early, the same way you’d mention any new person in your life. Most families catch a scam faster than the person in the middle of it, simply because they’re not the one who’s been talked to every day for weeks. That’s not about trust. It’s about having a second set of eyes, the same protection everyone deserves.
How to Report a Romance Scam
Report a romance scam whether or not you lost money. Every report helps investigators connect a pattern to other victims, and in active cases, can help freeze money before it disappears for good.
File a report with the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center at IC3.gov and with the Federal Trade Commission at ReportFraud.ftc.gov. If ReportFraud.ftc.gov isn’t taking reports because of a government shutdown, IC3.gov is still open, and consumer.ftc.gov has current updates. Tell the dating app or website where you met the person too, since most platforms can ban the account and warn other users.
If you already sent money, contact your bank or card issuer right away, since acting fast gives you the best chance of a freeze or reversal. If you paid with a gift card, contact the company that issued it directly. Amazon, Google Play, iTunes, and Steam, the gift cards scammers ask for most, all have their own fraud reporting lines for exactly this situation.
If a family member is involved, or you’re helping a parent through this, our guide to reporting elder financial abuse covers the broader reporting options, including Adult Protective Services and what proof to gather.
Quick Summary: Romance Scams
- Romance scams cost Americans $929 million in 2025, with adults 60+ losing more than $584 million of that
- A real relationship never depends on you sending money to someone you haven’t met
- A scammer will always find a reason to avoid a video call or an in-person meeting
- Scammers target older adults because of loneliness, savings, and less experience verifying strangers online
- Looking for companionship online is still worth doing. A few simple habits keep you safe while you do it
- Report a scam to IC3.gov and ReportFraud.ftc.gov, even if you didn’t lose money
Frequently Asked Questions
What are some common phrases romance scammers use?
Scammers often lean on the same handful of lines because they work. “I’ve never felt this way before” or “I feel like I’ve known you my whole life” tends to show up early, often within the first few days of talking. Later, phrases like “I need this for a customs fee” or “the shipment is stuck until I pay a release fee” show up right before a money request. If a message reads like it was written to sound as sincere as possible, rather than like an actual person typing to you, treat that as worth paying attention to.
How can you tell if someone is a romance scammer?
The fastest check is a reverse image search on their profile photo. Save the picture, upload it to Google Images or a similar tool, and see if it turns up attached to a different name or a modeling or stock photo site. The Federal Trade Commission recommends this exact step, since scammers frequently reuse stolen photos across dozens of fake profiles. A profile with only one or two photos, no tagged friends, and an account created recently is also worth a second look.
How do you outsmart a romance scammer?
Ask for a live video call you set up on short notice, not one they get days to prepare for. A real match will usually make it work. Someone using stolen photos and a script tends to stall, blame a bad connection, or come up with a new excuse, the same avoidance pattern the U.S. Secret Service has documented in these cases. If someone keeps dodging a simple video call after weeks of talking, that dodge is your answer.
How long does a romance scam usually last?
Longer than most people expect. Scammers are patient, and building trust is the entire point of the first phase. Some relationships run for months, occasionally over a year, before the first request for money shows up. The wait isn’t a sign the relationship is real; it’s part of how the scam is built to work.
Can you get your money back after a romance scam?
It’s difficult. Scammers ask for payment by gift card, wire transfer, or cryptocurrency specifically because those methods are hard to trace and nearly impossible to reverse. Contact your bank or card issuer immediately if you already sent money, or the company that issued the gift card if that’s how you paid, since acting fast gives you the best chance. Reporting the scam to IC3.gov and the FTC also helps investigators trace a pattern, even when getting the money back isn’t possible.
Are romance scams only a problem for older adults?
No. People of every age report romance scams, but the dollar amounts differ sharply by age, according to FBI data. Adults 60 and older tend to lose more money per person than younger victims, often because they have more savings or home equity for a scammer to target. That’s why the warning signs matter for everyone, even if the financial stakes look different depending on your age.
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